I might have problems…

100%ALCOHOLIC

If I actually really did drink on a regular basis. But as I don’t, I’m not too concerned.

I was in Madisonville a couple of Fridays ago to attend the funeral of a close friend’s grandmother. Madisonville is kinda cute for a small town like place when you’re not getting drenched or hailed on. My story though takes place at the little reception after the funeral. My mom had called and so I wandered outside the restaurant to call her back and I’m standing on the front porch talking and a car honks. I’m on the porch and not in anyone’s way, so I ignore it. I finish my phone call and turn to go back inside when out of the corner of my eye, I spot hands waving at me from inside a darkly tinted white Lexus.

Now, I don’t know my way around Madisonville so I think to myself that there’s no point in me going over because I can’t give this person directions. I start to go back inside and the hands start waving at me even more frantically.

So I figure what the heck, I’ll go see what they want. So I walk over. This is where you’d think a window would be rolling down to talk. Eh, no. I get over there and the guy inside starts talking to me. I can’t hear him through the glass so I make a motion to my ear to let him know that I cannot hear what he is trying so hard to tell me. So he starts yelling it through the glass and I lean close to the glass to listen.

He is trapped.

Inside the Lexus.

He cannot open the door because the alarm will go off and he does not have the keys to turn it off. His father does.

(sidenote: Who the fuck would ever readily admit that they were trapped inside a Lexus. Is the alarm REALLY that scary? Open the door and go get the keys and turn the alarm off. It’s not gonna kill anyone to let the alarm scream for a minute.)

So he tells me his father’s name. And I go find this guy. This took me a while because I don’t actually know anyone at the reception save my friend and her husband. So I’m sure that by the time his father got out there, the guy thought I had abandoned him to the horrors of being trapped inside a comfy Lexus for several hours until his father got ready to leave.

I can hear the story now. Cue dream sequence a la Wayne’s World

Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!

They wave their hands up and down in contours to begin the cliché “dream sequence” wavy fade-out/fade-in wipe

Trapped Dude: “Oh the horror! I actually had to stay in the Lexus for several hours! I could have died! No food! No Water! It was a cool day in the low 60’s! I would have perished from heat stroke! Swoon!”

Other Dude: “Dude, it was only for a few hours. I think you would have survived.”

*end dream sequence*

As it was, a little bit later, this guy walks in and sits down at the table next to me and my friend and her husband and everyone at the table is very concerned and asking him “Where were you?” and “You’ve been gone a while, we were worried.”

(Apparently not worried enough to go looking for him though…just sayin)

So trapped dude starts recounting his story. And mid sentence, looks up, sees me and says “There she is! That young lady saved me.”

I’ll just say that I wanted to sink through the floor. I hate being pointed out like that. But still, nice to know he appreciated being out of his Lexus.

For next week, finished objects. Possibly as many as three. Goodness!